What is right for you and the world will sit gently in your heart without question.Unknown
Love is what we’re born with. Fear is what we’ve learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.Unknown
Last night I had an awkward dream. I was dreaming, I think. It felt like I was laying in my bed but I also felt a womans presence. I’m not sure if it was me seeing the woman or looking through the womans eyes. She had the ability to see things others couldnt. I later saw a sort of shadow figure, in the shape of a human, walk by my side and I kept looking at it. It kept walking and then sat down in a chair across from my bed and started looking at me. I kept trying to focus on it. But it started to blur and wave out. Before I knew it I had to get up for work. It was all so weird. Especially when the shadow was looking back at me. I don’t have any chairs in my room either.
Ugh. I feel so fucking terrible right now. I wasted my girlfriends Friday night because I can’t stay awake. What a terrible douchebag I am for that. I feel soooo bad. I feel like I am trying my best here and its just not enough. Getting up at 5:30 every morning, going to bed at 11 or 12, having two jobs…. Its finally getting to me. I am tired all the damn time and I hate it. I think I’m going to just drop one after the holidays. It just sucks ass. I just need to hold it a little longer to pay some bills. I can then focus on moving up and being able to get a place for us. If you’re reading this babe, I am sorry. I want to see you and spend time with you but my body just shuts down. I just want to make everyone happy but you are the most important one. I just have to keep trying my best.
I don’t get them. All they do is distance you from the other person and all you want to do is be with them.
It’s the shit. Why didn’t i watch it when it was still on SciFi? oh, wait. SyFy. They switched the name on that shit. Anyways, it’s awesome. WATCH IT.
I feel alone. I have nobody to talk to which kinda sucks major ass… and I’m tired. Gotta go to bed. whoop whoop. 6:30 everyday is sort of a dread. I don’t see how old people do this shit. Every. Single. Day.
I’m starting to think that my purpose in this life is to make people happy and to help people. Although it’s really hard for me to feel sorry for others, i have an inner obligation to help others when in need. More importantly, i think my purpose is to make my girlfriend, Nancy, happy. I know, i know. She’s my girlfriend and i’m supposed to make her happy but I feel like i was put here to be her protector. You might ask, “from what?”. Well… from everything! She means everything to me. I couldn’t bare to lose her. I want to marry her one day. When? I’m not quite sure, but i know i want it to happen someday and that day can’t come soon enough :) I love this girl with all my heart and soul. As generic as that may sound, it’s the only words that come close to how i really feel about her. It’s not that, oh want to fuck you really bad so ill say i love you, love. It’s that type you see in movies. That love you feel to be too good to be true. That type of love that you feel will never be attainable. It’s an inner feeling that stirs inside my tummy whenever i see her. It’s that random smile you see while i daydream. It’s Magical and mystical. It’s the sincerest form of love. It’s can’t be explained but only felt :) It’s Love! and i now know it does exist.